Four Months
Four months that have been absolutely amazing.
That have been challenging.
That have been frustrating and wonderful and awesome.
That have taught me some amazing things.
Some days I’m still in awe that I have the opportunity to be here.
That God chose me to be here.
That God allows me to help raise these kids, train these kids, advance this mission, and bring forth His kingdom.
It amazes me how much God has changed me since I’ve been here. How He has been working on my heart and molding me and changing me to be the person He wants me to be.
It’s not easy though. People think I’m “highly spiritual” or “a wonderful person” for giving up my Canadian life to live here. But the truth is that it is hard.
My life isn’t glamorous and days are not easy.
Some nights I don’t sleep and I’m dragging through in the mornings.
My hair is always a mess and I deal with never ending bug bites.
It’s humid and sticky during the day.
Everything is always covered in dust.
I deal with cranky kids and employees who drive you up the wall.
I don’t always show grace and understanding and often times I react too quickly to a situation without first taking a breath and thinking about what should be said instead of what I’m feeling.
I get impatient, I get cranky, I get exhausted.
Things are NEVER EVER simple around here. If you think something simple is about to happen, just wait, because it is guaranteed that something will go wrong!
Common sense is not so common around here. That in itself is probably the most frustrating thing we deal with every day.
Culture clashes are very real and are a struggle we deal with. Raising children looks very different between Haitian and Canadian parents.
Sometimes I’m angry and I want to shake my fist at God and question why he would allow kids to be malnourished or sick or not provided for when we are all so loved by Him.
Sometimes I get upset thinking about how slow the progress is in this country and how hard you have to work to see any improvement.
Most days it feels like one step forward and two steps back.
If you’ve never experienced missions for yourself, it’s hard to understand exactly what it’s like here or what we experience every day. One of the things that has been difficult for me while being here is that even when I talk to family and friends about things going on in my life and the struggles I experience, they don’t get it. They don’t understand. And it is no fault of their own. They just haven’t experienced what I have, they don’t see it like I do. I get that. I know that they don’t fully understand and are trying to be supportive and encourage me and offer help but they just don’t get it. And that is difficult.
But like I’ve said in just about every blog post I’ve written, I would not trade this life for the world. And I mean it. Being here gives me a passion and drive and fulfillment even through all the struggles and frustrations. There is no way I could go back to Canada and consider my life to be exciting after living here.
The fact that God chose me to come here is incredible to me. There are so many more people who are more qualified then me. People who are older or have more experience or can do things I can’t. But He chose me. He laid the desire on my heart to come here. He chose me and I said yes. And for that I will be forever humble and grateful.
Four Lessons
I’ve been here for four months and have learned countless things but there are four things that have stood out to me the most.
1) Don’t Follow Your Heart
Many times people make decisions based on their emotions. They have a spiritual moment or something makes them angry or upset and it fuels them to do something. They feel something in their heart and only go off of that emotion. I often feel angry and upset when I see Haitian kids with yellow peeling skin and hair orange from malnutrition. Their bellies stick out a mile and your heart just breaks. Why would God allow these kids to be so sick? Doesn’t He care about and love everyone? But I’ve learned being angry gets you nowhere. Love, compassion and kindness make the difference in the world. Let those things fuel you, not anger. Don’t just run off of highly emotional moments, don’t forget to use your head. Don’t follow your heart.
2) Jesus is Carrying Me
I would have never survived four months here if I did not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I think about people who go to do missions, to help people without intentions of sharing the Gospel, discipling people, or having a relationship with God and I don’t know how they do it. Through all the hard days and stress and homesickness, I would not still be here if it was not for Jesus. I don’t know how anyone could survive an environment like this long term without Him. He truly is my saving grace.
3) It’s Okay To Cry
I’ve cried countless times since I’ve been here, over frustrations, over hurt kids, over situations that would break anyone’s heart. But I’ve also laughed a lot. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you will never survive here! Some situations you can’t help but laugh, other times your heart breaks and the tears pour out. It is okay to cry, and it doesn’t often help the situation but it can help you feel better. It allows you to get those emotions out so your brain can think clearly. It’s a regular part of life and I’ve always hated showing emotion like that when I’m around other people. But here you can’t always help that. There’s usually someone around and sometimes it’s good to have support. It is okay to cry.
4) Prep Work
The longer I’m here, the more I realize how God has been prepping me my whole life for this time.
I grew up in a big family and now have an even bigger family here. I am used to the noise and hustle and bustle of a large family and all the challenges that come with that.
I was homeschooled all my life and now I’m homeschooling Luc. I know what is involved in most curriculums and what will work for him and what won’t. I think back to what parts of homeschooling I enjoyed the most and try to incorporate that into our school days.
I’ve worked in healthcare for four years and know what different meds are and how to treat basic illnesses. The experience of working in the hospital has really helped me learn basic wound care and other important things.
I’ve always loved the heat and hated being cold so Haiti is a perfect place for me!
~~~
I have really enjoyed reading in James lately but the following verse in Hebrews has really spoken to me since I’ve been in Haiti. Just remember to keep running the race set out before you and set your eyes on Jesus.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.”
Hebrews 12:1-3 NLT
~Joce
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